


What About Us?

by HumsHappily



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Makeup, janto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 08:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3349667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily/pseuds/HumsHappily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t know that, Jack!" Ianto cried out, slamming a fist into the table, "What if <i>this</i>  time is the time you don’t? What if this time, something goes wrong and you die, and you don’t come back to me. Dammit Jack, I mean nothing to you!” Ianto buried his head in his arms. Jack froze at the hitch in Ianto’s shoulders, the tell that the man was crying. “Go Jack, just leave if you’re going to treat this, treat me, like a joke,” came the slightly muffled voice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What About Us?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [janto321 (FaceofMer)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaceofMer/gifts).



> EDIT 2-19:  
> Art for this fic can now be found [here](http://jqhnlock.tumblr.com/post/111024413679/the-song-played-through-to-the-end-speaker-system)  
> A great thank you to [jqhnlock](http://jqhnlock.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for the gorgeous addition.

“You…I can’t believe you, Jack!” Ianto threw a mug against the wall, cold coffee and broken ceramics raining down onto the floor as he stood in the center of the hub.

 

“Ianto, I always come back, you know that!”  Jack smiled, rolling his eyes. He shrugged his jacket off, laying it across the back of his chair.

Ianto turned away, and tipped his head up to the ceiling, swallowing hard. The rain was pouring down outside the hub, thundering down on the roof. “Please, go away. I have work to do.” Ianto said, voice and posture stiff.

“Ianto, come on.” Jack laughed, reaching for him. Ianto yanked his arm away, a snarl tearing from his lips. Jack jerked as if he had been burned, and Ianto’s face fell.  

“Don’t, Jack. Just…don’t.” Ianto pulled a chair out, and sat down, his entire body bleeding exhaustion.

“Ianto they needed help. I helped them. So what, I died." Jack's voice was searching, questioning, Ianto's dismissal hurting more than he allowed to show. "I’m back, aren’t I? I always come back."

“I don’t know that, Jack!" Ianto cried out, slamming a fist into the table, "What if _this_ time is the time you don’t? What if this time, something goes wrong and you die, and _you don’t_ come back to me? Dammit Jack, I mean nothing to you!” Ianto buried his head in his arms. Jack froze at the hitch in Ianto’s shoulders, the tell that the man was crying. “Go Jack, just leave if you’re going to treat this, treat me, like a joke,” came the slightly muffled voice. 

“Ianto…I’m sorry.”  Jack raised a hand to touch Ianto, but it dropped as the man continued.

“You’re sorry? ‘Sorry’ doesn’t bring people back to life, Jack. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t help me when my heart is breaking, holding you in my arms as you stop breathing again and again and again.” Ianto’s voice was cracking and the hitch in his shoulder had turned into rapid trembling. “You always focus on others and God, I know why, but Jack….what about us? I have to know that even if I don’t come first, I am at least considered. I need to know I’m more than a fresh cup of coffee and a quick shag to you.”  

Jack said nothing, bowing his head to his chest in shame. He moved away slowly, picking up a small black remote from the table. A press of a button and music began to filter through the speakers set in the wall. Jack moved over to Ianto, placing his hands on the man’s shoulders.

Ianto lifted his head, and looked up at Jack. His eyes were rimmed red, and he looked broken and hurt and a thousand other emotions that Jack had seen over the years and still didn’t have a name for. Jack swallowed hard and slipped around the desk, taking Ianto’s hand and pulling him out of the chair. Ianto resisted, shaking his head as Jack pulled him into an embrace. “Jack, no, I just want to go home and put this day behind me.” Ianto turned his head away, refusing to let Jack see his tears fall.

 “I don’t think, Ianto. I really don’t. It’s taken me thousands of years and hundreds of deaths just to find you. I shouldn’t treat you, treat this, as disposable. I should know better by now, and I don’t.” Jack moved a hand to Ianto’s chin, tipping it up. “I have this impossible ability to hurt the people I love most, and I am so, so sorry. If you want to leave…I’ll let you go. But please, just tell me you’ll forgive me in the end. If this is the last conversation we ever have..I don’t want it to be a fight.”

Ianto stared at him, eyes searching, before pulling him into slow kiss.

 “Jack.” Ianto murmured, the anger gone from his voice as their hands entwined, tucking his head into his Captain’s chest. “I could never leave.”

 

_So what about us? What about love?_

_What about saying that we'll never give up_

_Don't wanna blame you, we're in danger_

_So what about us?_

_When we love, we lie_

_When we talk, we hide_

_Maybe I'm searching the light_

 

The song played through to the end, speaker system fuzzing out as the men swayed, lost in each other.

“Jack…” Ianto said, quiet in the silence of the hub. “Stay with me tonight.”

“Of course.” Jack raised his head, tucking it over Ianto’s. “As long as I can.”

“I’m not asking for forever, Jack, just for as long as you can give.” Ianto pulled away, and Jack let go of his hand, reaching up to brush a tear from his cheek. Giving a soft, watery chuckle, Ianto nuzzled into Jack’s hand as he cupped his palm around Ianto’s cheek, thumb stroking over the tear streaked cheekbone.

The pair moved slowly from the office, making their way down the stairs, shedding their clothing piece by piece. Suspenders slipped from Jack’s shoulders as a dark jacket slipped from Ianto’s. Cufflinks clinked to the ground and rolled away, forgotten to the hidden corners of the hub. Shoes were slipped from heels blindly, socks toed off. Shirts were unbuttoned and smoothed away, hands moving over bare skin as a door is pushed open and pushed shut after.

As  Ianto stood in front of Jack, he bore all; his body, his soul.  As he crawled onto the mattress where Jack waited, hands coming up to hold him, comfort him, he trembled, stress leaking out into the gentle hold. The storm outside was all but silent here, in the depths of this safe place, where there was no one, nothing to harm them. No one to hear them as they breathed in each other, counting thudding heartbeats and gasping breaths. No one to see as Ianto opened Jack, fingers moving inside, Jack murmuring in his ear.  Ages passed between their breaths, each exhale signaling the end of another moment, each inhale the start of another. There was no one to hear the soft, ‘Kiss me, god, just kiss me’. Each word falling from Jack’s lips like glittering jewels as Ianto enters him, as they rose together, fell into one another to the sounds of murmured ‘I love you's’. To see how Ianto’s hands move over Jack, like he is porcelain, fragile and breakable and rare. No one was there to see how Jack arched under Ianto as they shook, crumpling together in a litany of whimpers and gasping breaths.

And as they lay, tangled in one another, there was no one to see as Jack buried his head in Ianto’s arms, silent tears falling from ancient eyes. Ianto stroked his hair, surrendering soft kisses to the man, to the only man he had ever been able to love, allowing Jack’s shaky breathing to lull him to sleep.

In the morning, if the others noticed the shards of ceramic Ianto swept up, or the mug of milky coffee Jack brought him, nothing was said. And if years down the line a song came on the radio that made Jack’s eyes go soft with memories, or made Ianto freeze up where he stood, automatically gazing around for Jack, nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said.

**Author's Note:**

> And as always, find me [here](http://hums-happily.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
> Any notification of errors are accepted with gratefulness that knows no bounds.  
> Kudos, comments, and your happy (pained) flailing are accepted with glee. I hope you enjoyed!  
> Wishing a very, very, very happy birthday to Janto321, a very, very good friend. I hope it's a nice one dear and I hope you enjoy this.


End file.
